I am alone.
I have friends, I have family, I have mentors--but I am alone.
I long for the days when that was okay. The days where I wasn't even aware that I was alone. Or the days when I knew it and didn't care because I was fine being just me. But unfortunately a little growing up, and a taste of what it was like to not be alone has brought the world the lonely, bitter and jaded person I can be. I don't understand how the only people who are ever interested in me are people I would never be with. How is that possible? How can I attract people from all different walks of life that are always the "losers" who aren't doing anything with their lives and yet I seem to like them. Or--I get people who are quality yet I don't find them attractive at all. I don't understand.
What I do know is that I'm alone. And I hate it. My content days are over, apparently.
I've been living with a well I didn't know was dry
Damn the wretched rain for showing me my need
And I didn't know my thirst until that first taste
And know I ache for more but the skies refuse to rain
My well is an ache in my heart for you
To be by my side
My well is an ache in my heart
And the water I need is the love that you give
From deep within my well come the tears that I've cried
'Cause the deeper that I dig the emptier I am
And the walls inside my well are dry for they are cracked
And until they are filled I can hold no rain
My well is an ache in my heart for You
To be by my side
My well is an ache in my heart
And the water I need is the love that You give
Quench my thirst with something that will satisfy, something that won't leave me dry
Quench my thirst--make it last for more than just tonight--make me feel alive
My well is an ache in my heart for You
To be by my side
My well is an ache in my heart
And the water I need is the love that You give
2 comments:
Sweet friend,
This post put me in mind of so many of the psalms. The psalmists would pour out their hearts to the Lord, but in the end they would turn to Him. I don't know if you ever have the time or inclination to read my blog, but there is a post on it called "Lament" that you should check out. It contains a link to a post by a professor from The Master's College on the topic that I would highly recommend you read. It isn't going to solve the subject at hand, your longing for someone to love, but I believe you will appreciate what Dr. Varner says there.
I understand your pain, K. I pray that the Lord will bring a godly man into your life, and I am confident that His timing in this is perfect. Be grateful it hasn't happened yet. God has a purpose in the wait, and through pain He purifies. He will give you the strength to endure; He has already given you the wisdom to be discerning when it comes to evaluating the character and quality of the men you meet.
Rest in Him. Trust His perfect plan.
Love you. Can't wait to spend time with you guys this weekend!
I just found this comment--thanks Becky! I'll go check out the post you're talking about.
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