The reality is
I am a mediocre songwriter
I am a mediocre singer
I am a mediocre pianist
I am a mediocre musician and more than likely this semester will be the highest point I will reach with my music. Put me in a room with people and I'll probably stand out as a songwriter, singer and pianist. But put me in a room with actual talent and I will not stand out--and that's just the truth. My voice--even if I were to dedicate a lot of time to working on it, will never have the kind of tone I want it to. It will never be an adequate medium to communicate the music I write--and that music is so hard for me to write in the first place. It doesn't come easily. I don't think I have a natural gifting for music or songwriting, I just love it.
But--if I'll never truly be stand out or exceptional, am I just wasting my time? I think the answer might be yes--but if that's true, then what am I supposed to be doing with my time--my life? I'm not really standout at anything.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Understanding Obsession
Maybe it's because the weather has been incredible this week or maybe it's because I slept the perfect amount last night, but I am in a wonderful mood this morning. I spent last night recording Not Coming Home and it is turning out fantastic. Joe learned the song about ten minutes before we started tracking and we've got three solid guitar parts, some hand percussion, bass and a scratch vocal. Ah. It's gonna be awesome. It's almost Damien Rice sounding which leads to further confusion about what "my sound" really is--but it's a great song nonetheless.
This morning I went into the studio and sat at the console. It can be a bit intimidating-but I sat there and stared at all the flashing lights and then, I opened a ProTools file. And listened. And then I opened another one, and then another. For an hour I just sat there opening my files, listening to them, muting and soloing tracks. I felt like a magician--but I was really like a toddler. Anyway, sitting there, I understood why people become addicted to the studio. I understood why they are obsessed with getting as much time in the studio as they can. Suddenly, I feel obsessed with the studio and music. I'm getting closer to wanting music enough to throw myself into chasing after it 100%.
Such a good night and it will continue to be a good day becuase I'm leaving for a Fitz and the Tantrums concert in a hour. Mmmmm. This has been a good, good semester.
This morning I went into the studio and sat at the console. It can be a bit intimidating-but I sat there and stared at all the flashing lights and then, I opened a ProTools file. And listened. And then I opened another one, and then another. For an hour I just sat there opening my files, listening to them, muting and soloing tracks. I felt like a magician--but I was really like a toddler. Anyway, sitting there, I understood why people become addicted to the studio. I understood why they are obsessed with getting as much time in the studio as they can. Suddenly, I feel obsessed with the studio and music. I'm getting closer to wanting music enough to throw myself into chasing after it 100%.
Such a good night and it will continue to be a good day becuase I'm leaving for a Fitz and the Tantrums concert in a hour. Mmmmm. This has been a good, good semester.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Capo Gremlins
I think life after graduation is slowly coming together--at least for a few months. Right now it looks like I'll be moving back to Denver and living with a friend and her parents there. I'll be back about two weeks for graduation so I hope to get a head start on finding a job in that time. I don't have any plans past the summer yet, but I'm feeling good about living in Colorado through August right now. So that's good.
The theme of the next few weeks will be recording, recording, recording. I'm pretty excited about that. I just wish there was more studio time available. I have at least three or four more songs I want to get recorded before I leave which would mean I would leave with a total of seven or eight songs. I don't know where I'm going to find that studio time, but I'd like to try.
A few of us are going to Cincinnati Sunday to see Fitz and the Tantrums--I'm so excited! We covered one of their songs on tour in Tavis's set so it will be really fun to hear them play it. They're music is just so....fun. Gonna be a GREAT show.
Finally--I've been playing guitar a lot more recently. In fact, I've barely played the piano since tour. All my writing and fiddling around has taken place on the guitar. I'm developing some nice callouses for sure, but my fingers are really sore. I think it's helping my creativity to be on a different instrument where things sound and feel new still. Every time I sit at the piano, I just feel like everything I play sounds the same, it's impossible for me to come up with anything new. So guitar has been a welcome change. However, I swear their are gremlins in my guitar case that steal my capo because every time I open my case, the capo is missing and I have to go searching for it and always find it in the strangest of places. Damn you, Gremlins. Just lemme play.
The theme of the next few weeks will be recording, recording, recording. I'm pretty excited about that. I just wish there was more studio time available. I have at least three or four more songs I want to get recorded before I leave which would mean I would leave with a total of seven or eight songs. I don't know where I'm going to find that studio time, but I'd like to try.
A few of us are going to Cincinnati Sunday to see Fitz and the Tantrums--I'm so excited! We covered one of their songs on tour in Tavis's set so it will be really fun to hear them play it. They're music is just so....fun. Gonna be a GREAT show.
Finally--I've been playing guitar a lot more recently. In fact, I've barely played the piano since tour. All my writing and fiddling around has taken place on the guitar. I'm developing some nice callouses for sure, but my fingers are really sore. I think it's helping my creativity to be on a different instrument where things sound and feel new still. Every time I sit at the piano, I just feel like everything I play sounds the same, it's impossible for me to come up with anything new. So guitar has been a welcome change. However, I swear their are gremlins in my guitar case that steal my capo because every time I open my case, the capo is missing and I have to go searching for it and always find it in the strangest of places. Damn you, Gremlins. Just lemme play.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Not Coming Home
Wrote this today. Really like it.
What if the best thing I could do for you, for me
Was walk away--could you let me?
What if today I said I wasn't coming home--I'm not coming home
Could you believe the best we could be is apart, you're falling apart
ooo let this distance be my love
ooo let the distance be my love
What can I say? I am not all that you are wanting me to be
I'm not enough--don't make me try
What can I say? Already been too long, gone too far
And the more that I say the more I am crippling you
ooo let this distance be my love
ooo let the distance be my love
What is the best thing I could do for you, for me?
What if the best thing I could do for you, for me
Was walk away--could you let me?
What if today I said I wasn't coming home--I'm not coming home
Could you believe the best we could be is apart, you're falling apart
ooo let this distance be my love
ooo let the distance be my love
What can I say? I am not all that you are wanting me to be
I'm not enough--don't make me try
What can I say? Already been too long, gone too far
And the more that I say the more I am crippling you
ooo let this distance be my love
ooo let the distance be my love
What is the best thing I could do for you, for me?
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Blah boys.
Just bored of boys, okay? This is who I attract:
bad boys.
good boys who are in really confusing seasons of their lives.
the end. Awesome. So tired of that.
bad boys.
good boys who are in really confusing seasons of their lives.
the end. Awesome. So tired of that.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Cedarville
Well. Since Greenville we've played at Wheaton College, had a free day in Chicago (which I spent as a lazy bum hanging around the hotel) and tonight we're playing at Cedarville University. Tomorrow we're at Malone University, Monday is Asbury University and then Tuesday we finish the tour with a show at the CMC. Every night I am more and more convinced that I love music and want to do it--which is scary because I don't know how. I don't know if I can. I don't know if the world will let me. But I want to. I love it.
On another note. I've just been thinking a lot about friendships and relationships lately. I realized that I have a hard time claiming what is mine in relationships--especially once it has been threatened. After that happens, I constantly feel insecure and become hyper sensitive--and I don't think people around me realize I can be that fragile. But I can. However, I think I need to work on being better at owning what is mine and not letting others take it from me. So that's my motivational thought for now.
Currently there is some kid on stage performing.....country rap. Not sure how that is even a genre but...okay. More cowbell please.
On another note. I've just been thinking a lot about friendships and relationships lately. I realized that I have a hard time claiming what is mine in relationships--especially once it has been threatened. After that happens, I constantly feel insecure and become hyper sensitive--and I don't think people around me realize I can be that fragile. But I can. However, I think I need to work on being better at owning what is mine and not letting others take it from me. So that's my motivational thought for now.
Currently there is some kid on stage performing.....country rap. Not sure how that is even a genre but...okay. More cowbell please.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Greenville
Well. I'm sitting in the green room at Greenville college in Greenville, Illinois waiting for the show to start. Hows that for a lot of green? In about 30 minutes I"ll play in my first official CMC Live show. I cut and dyed my hair last night as well as acquired some glasses to make me look like Edna Mode from the Incredibles and tonight everyone says I look like her combined with a sexy librarian. So that's good I guess. Anyway--I'm pretty excited for tonights show. Everything on the stage is pretty loud (because this auditorium has a lot of cement walls so it's great for choirs, bad for band sound) so I'll likely be deaf by the end of the show--but no worries. It's totally worth. There have been a lot of issues with our show tomorrow at Wheaton college so I'm not even sure if it will end up happening.
It was mid 70's yesterday with a ton of humidity in Nashville. It's expected to be in the 30's tomorrow at Wheaton. Dang it. I was getting really used to the warm sunshine. Well. It's time to get my act together I suppose. Show time!
It was mid 70's yesterday with a ton of humidity in Nashville. It's expected to be in the 30's tomorrow at Wheaton. Dang it. I was getting really used to the warm sunshine. Well. It's time to get my act together I suppose. Show time!
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